Thank You Series: To Mother

My Mother in Heaven,

It has been so long since you left us it’s hard to believe the numbers on the calendar.

I never really got to say thank you, never really got to say sorry. I had so many chances to do so while you were still around but somehow never did so. Like so many others, I never knew what I had till it’s gone forever.

I was never the person you really wished me to be. Yet I know somehow that you loved me unconditionally. Thank you.

You were always worried about Brother’s well being after you’re gone. I hope you’re more comforted right now. I think I’ve finally learnt to be the brother you wanted me to be to him. It was not an easy task and it is still not easy, and I think he’d say the same about me. Nevertheless, I think I can confidently say that I’ve finally learnt to accept him just as he is and love him as heaven’s very special child. Thank you for giving me this brother. Thank you for taking care of him for as long as you could. I will never understand how you did all that from a wheelchair but you did. You are great, greater than the world would ever give one credit for. Thank you for being a great mother.

Thank you for reading me all those timeless Ladybird story books that always seem to end happily ever after. I can go through life without reading music or Shakespeare. I cannot however, fathom what life I might have without those precious Ladybird moments. I would not have appreciated the humor in Shrek if it were not for Puss-in-Boots and Rapunzel and the gullible Gingerbreadman. Even more than that, I would not go on to read Time Magazine, Newsweek and the Readers’ Digest if you had not set an early firm foundation. Thank you for a lifetime of literacy and interest in reading.

I still don't understand why the Big Bad Wolf did not just gobble up Little Red Riding Hood's grandma though.

Thank you for your wonderful cooking. I only had the honor to six years of your culinary skills before you were stricken with a debilitating illness. In that period, I never demonstrated much appreciation and gratitude for all your efforts in the smoky, sooty kitchen with a leaking, rusted zinc roof. I was always griping and demanding for something else, not knowing that I will one day lose forever the faintest aroma of your cooking. Back then, you always reminded me that the children in the African countries go to bed on most nights hungry and thirsty.

I never saw the wisdom in your words back then. I do so now. Your words are ingrained in my mind forever.

Thank you for never and not even once sending me to bed in hunger and thirst. I am earning enough now to buy myself the food I need, yet nothing substitutes the ones you prepare. I am looking forward to the day we can have a great family dinner up in heaven. For that, I thank you beforehand.

My dearest Mother, I do very much wish you were here right now. There is still so much more that I can learn from you. There’s just so much I need to know more about – from daily household chores and mundane errands to social etiquettes and principles of living. More importantly albeit selfishly, I wish you were here right now so I can right all the wrongs I’ve committed in my foolishness and shortsightedness. Some might say that life is only about the here and now, but I know for sure that you are reading this right now. Thank you for taking time to read and hear. You were always the most patient listener of all.

I regret that we never had a proper goodbye. It will be a guilt and a burden that I’ll carry to my own grave. In the meantime, memories of you and us as a young budding family will sustain me till I too breathe my last and hopefully, join you in the sweet by and by.

Thank you for all the wonderful memories.