Friday, October 16, 2009

Childhood Dreams And The Reality Of Adulthood II: The Prodigal Grows Up

Thought you had all the answers,
To rest your heart upon,
But something happens,
Don't see it coming now,
You can't stop yourself,
Now you're out there swimming...
In the deep.
In the deep.
- In The Deep, Bird York, 2006

Her last words to me were to take care of him, not to bully him but to look out for him.

My last words to her were unbelievingly bitter and insensitive, uttered with implosive hatred and stupid teenage anger.

The years in our walk of life rush by faster than we know and would allow them to.

We lose the people we love before we’re ready to, and usually at a time and age when we need them the most.

We sincerely want to repay the generosity and kindness we’ve received in life, and yet our struggles with daily survival get in the way.

Before we know it, something happens to the ones we love.

We are left helplessly lost, stuck and stranded in a place far and away.

Life keeps tumbling your heart in circles,
Till you let go,
Till you shed your pride,
And you climb to heaven,
And you throw yourself off,
Now you're out there spinning...
Now you're out there spinning...
In the deep.
In the deep.

It’s yet another sleepless night in the clinic, not because it was busy but because insomnia has trailed me here as well.

I counseled an asthmatic, drained a thigh abscess and reassured and anxious father, among others.

He called me up but I was not free.

The disappointment in his voice was palpable.

I promised to call back and I did so but reached his voice mail instead.

This cycle has been going on for quite a while now.

Our days of swimming and getting sunburn are gone now, the silly drives past funeral parlors at night also.

I won’t forget his tears when I left home to serve needy strangers across the South China Sea.

His phone call on my first day here were desperate pleas to come home.

I’ve saved strangers and relieved much pain here.

I could not mend his betrayed trust though.

What’s the point of saving strangers around you when your own loved ones are in pain and emotional distress?

In the silence,
All your secrets will raise their worried heads,
Well, you can pin yourself back together,
To who you thought you were.
Now you're out there living…
In the deep.
In the deep.

Have I made inroads in my medical career so far?

Yes, and quite certainly too.

Perhaps even to the envy of some senior colleagues.

Am I appreciative of the opportunities I have received in life?

Obviously and so much more reason to fight for social justice and greater equity for the poor and downtrodden.

Do I realize that I am greatly and wonderfully blessed?

Definitely and with great thanksgiving to the Almighty God.

Can I blame anyone anywhere for the mess that I feel I have created?

No, the prodigal has come of age but remains a prodigal still.

To my loved ones whom I left behind, I am truly sorry.

Now you're out there spinning...
Now you're out there swimming...
Now you're out there spinning...
In the deep.
In the deep.
In the deep.
In the deep...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

"Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose."
—Helen Keller