Friday, October 3, 2008

Selamat Hari Raya from SESB

Selamat Hari Raya from SESB Sdn Bhd

A very Selamat Hari Raya to all Sabahans, and Malaysians in general.

We at Sabah Everyday Sure Blackout (SESB) Sdn. Bhd would like to extend our most sincere greetings and heartfelt wishes on this special occasion.

As you are all aware, SESB is the only power utility company in Sabah, Malaysia.

As such, we are under tremendous pressure and stress at all times to serve the 361,400 customers of Sabah. Sabahans are reminded that we at SESB are also catering to our most numerous and precious clients, the Indopinos who are naturally talented and gifted in making legal illegal electrical connections.

Rest assured that SESB is fully informed that you bono fide SESB customers are constantly billed more than you should be as a result of all these Indopino connections. Please keep your calm and hold your peace. Closing one eye and sometimes both is an inherent national culture. In addition, we at SESB are staunch believers and doers of Islam Hadhari. Therefore, charity to our less wealthy Project IC fellow citizens comes quite naturally. We cordially invite all SESB clients to join us in this noble project to empower the future bumiputeras of Sabah.

We are also in full knowing that electrical cables are frequently missing and displaced uncannily, resulting in regular electrical breakdown to homes, businesses and medical centers. Although the apparent culprits, once again the Indopinos are not uncommonly caught red handed, we urge restraint and patience among all Sabahans. It is an unwritten policy in SESB that Malaysia as an oil-rich nation can spare some steel for our less fortunate fellow human beings especially those that buy Malaysian identification cards for RM 110.

By the way, did you know that electricity started in Sabah as early as 1910? In those dark, gloomy pre-independence days, electricity was supplied by 3 separate organizations. In line with UMNO’s spirit for political monopoly and business hegemony, all distributing rights for power utility has been accorded to us here at SESB. Needless to say, we are proud to be partakers in a system of cronyism and nepotism. Surely we as peace-loving harmonious Malaysians do not desire a competitive business environment?

SESB sincerely apologise that after almost a hundred years, the state of Sabah is still not fully supplied with electricities. Our most honorable chairman Tan Sri Datuk Amar Leo Moggie Anak Irok and most famed deputy chairman Bung Moktar bin Radin are in constant brainstorming in order to rectify this trivial matter. In the meantime, we plead with the kind and gullible folks of Kota Marudu, Pitas, Ranau and Kudat to continue the most enjoyable practice of using petrol-powered generators. The occasional fires and consequent loss of human lives are unfortunate and most regretted.

However, SESB reiterates that we are all responsible for our actions. As a typical UMNO government-linked company, SESB will therefore not be liable for any mishaps or misfortunes that occur directly and indirectly as a result of our temporary but protracted incompetency. As what our most spiritual deputy chairman Bung Mokhtar believes, misfortunes are sometimes the will of God above, as what he strongly believes was what befell Karpal Singh.

At this juncture, we at SESB would also like to clarify that our hotline operators were not immediately available to respond to today’s two-hour long blackout in Kota Kinabalu because they were busy with some anu bah. SESB understands that the Queen Elizabeth Hospital is a frequent victims of such blackouts in Kota Kinabalu.

We have been informed repeatedly by Dr. POTS that the lives of some patients are solely dependent on the availability of continuous electricity. Dr POTS has also written to us complaining that the blackouts in the hospital have resulted in some osteoarthritis and osteoporosis-strickened folks having to walk six floors up to visit their ailing loved ones in the wards.

Now, while the complaints of Dr POTS are duly noted, we once again cite our principle that some unfortunate events are simply God’s will. As such, SESB shall not be held liable either directly or indirectly over the morbidity and mortality suffered by patients of no political or monetary importance.

Should any family members be dissatisfied however, clients are always welcomed to contact our highly-trained hotline operators at 15454.

Maaf zahir dan batin.


Your pain in the ass,
SESB Management.


Anonymous said...

excellent letter of hari raya... =)

Pok Kam said...

Dear Doc,

Selamat hari raya eventhough you are not celebrating it. Cynical your posting may be, I hope it poke and inflict pain in someone else's ass.

Anonymous said...

Hi Doc,
Ur right about the SESB thing. Back in my h/town in K'ngau there's another problem that's been plaguing us for years..WATER supply. It also doesn't help that nearby kampong rivers can nowadays rival the infamous Sg. Klang. As to how frequent my own family gets blackout.. let's just say that everytime I'm back home for my leave (q3-4 months), I never miss the twice a wk blackout.